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GREED

by Regala Mirak | December 7, 2017

 Inordinate or insatiable longing for unneeded excess,

We think of this as just in money,

But money didn’t kill my family.

A different kind of Greed did

A Greed for success

for perfection.

It came for me.

 

It came in the form of my mother.

Who spent her life proving her family she could be both smart and motherly.

First generation college graduate.

She set the pace.

Education and tradition.

My success was to follow.

Marry. Breed. Submit.

I said no.

 

Then Greed came in the form of my middle brother.

The one with the most clout.

The one who was placed on a pedestal from the time I was little.

The pastor, married with children.

growing our status. Our family.

He could do no wrong.

He was perfection.

But I did not want his life.

 

So, I became a loud and fighting teenager.

a free spirit.

Tradition be damned.

I was made for more.

I was going to chase it.

 

But that wasn’t the plan.

They leered at my career choices.

They mocked my desire to travel.

They balked at my independence and cursed my lifestyle.

Like a fog hovers over the horizon

Like a ghost wishing to encounter a living spirit.

These family Greed monster began to rear their ugly faces.

 

They came with a vengeance.

Words spewed from their slimy mouths.

Hateful comments were embedded in their claws.

I fought with my sword of love and my heart of passion.

But they were too strong. Too powerful.

 

Anger began to boil within.

I was tired of losing this war.

Year after year.

Holiday after holiday.

tired of being less than enough.

Being unloved.

 

In the recesses of my soul grew a Greed monster of my own.

And it emerged with a powerful force.

It took over.

The monsters began to fight.

Claws ripping each other to shreds.

Fire and pain pouring from their joules.

I didn’t know how to stop it.

 

All of us trembled on this battlefield.

Our Greed monsters shattered and worn, but not dead.

I looked on.

Would they give up their monsters? Would they allow Greed to stay here?

I watched as they packed their monsters back into their hearts.

They welcomed them to suck on their spirits and revive.

I stared at mine.

And I turned away.

Greed may have killed my family.

But like hell would it kill me.

 

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